Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
