he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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