Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
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Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize