God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
