Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
