STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
