Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
