What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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