My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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