words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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