I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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