We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
