if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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