Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
