everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
