I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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