drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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