We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
