I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize