i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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