If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
