Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
