I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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