I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
