My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
