She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
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Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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