I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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