how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
