You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
