it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
