A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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