i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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