You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
