I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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