Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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