East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
