I heard we made out
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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