she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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