So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Too much gin, very little bucket
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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