They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
