dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
