i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
