he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
