that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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