Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
