I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
