dude i'm inner monologue high
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just high enough for therapy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize