You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
