I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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