So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
