Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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