Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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