I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
