It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
