Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
