I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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