Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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