Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
