College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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