I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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