We got so high we made milksteak
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
