I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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