if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
