Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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