the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
