In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
