I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
