she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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