Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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