playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
