If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.