we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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