I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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