Texts From Last Night

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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.

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  (484): Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd. http://tfl.nu/wjyh
  Replies (33) Good night (3763) Bad night (1196)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.

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  (631): I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form. http://tfl.nu/sx5m
  Replies (13) Good night (3885) Bad night (992)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer

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  (706): He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer http://tfl.nu/ep3s
  Replies (11) Good night (4350) Bad night (1002)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.

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  (289): eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks. http://tfl.nu/9rpm
  Replies (8) Good night (3022) Bad night (1265)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I can't feel my brain.

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  (417): I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison. (417): I can't feel my brain. http://tfl.nu/qap9
  Replies (11) Good night (1925) Bad night (4189)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..

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  (318): We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed.. http://tfl.nu/orkv
  Replies (3) Good night (4116) Bad night (1158)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?

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  (615): Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes? http://tfl.nu/jms8
  Replies (49) Good night (968) Bad night (5641)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?

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  (215): Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard? http://tfl.nu/x05b
  Replies (12) Good night (636) Bad night (1000)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night

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  (401): I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night http://tfl.nu/cz9o
  Replies (3) Good night (687) Bad night (519)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question

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  (336): Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question http://tfl.nu/9vj8
  Replies (12) Good night (1527) Bad night (414)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.

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  (865): I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE. (413): The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage. http://tfl.nu/j3o6
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (383)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why is there a cash register on top of my car?

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  (215): Why is there a cash register on top of my car? http://tfl.nu/nfm6
  Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...

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  (925): Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat... http://tfl.nu/8lha
  Replies (1) Good night (395) Bad night (528)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.

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  (870): I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong. http://tfl.nu/b6l6
  Replies (3) Good night (542) Bad night (285)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was

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  (301): I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was http://tfl.nu/qgt5
  Replies (1) Good night (687) Bad night (223)

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