i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????