I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize