U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
