There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
