can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
