I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
