so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
