okay pat passed out under dana's car
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was like giving head to a cactus.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Randomize
