Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
