just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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