Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
