I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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