One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
