I faked an abortion last night.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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